All parents have had those feelings that their kids are growing up too fast, right? Mackenzie is only 5 1/2 years old, but sometimes I swear I’m going to turn around twice and she’ll be married. Those of you who still have kids at home, remember that building a strong foundation when your kids are young and receptive, setting a good example, and then letting go when the time comes are all essential to remember. Hope you enjoy this post by Lara with some very good lessons for those with kids who might be leaving the nest soon!
Children grow so quickly; one minute they are babies crawling around the kitchen floor, and in what feels like the next minute, they’re learning to drive and practicing for their theory test, ready to tackle the complicated world of adulthood. It’s always a big surprise when suddenly we realize that our children are no longer babies, nor awkward teenagers, but actual adults who might move out one day soon. We hope we have taught them everything there is to know to survive the world outside of our home.
Some young adults opt to stay a few years more at home, testing the waters little by little. Others choose to move out as soon as they can, eager to experience being fully independent.For children who choose to stay, parents should allow them to be more independent within the bounds of the parental home. This involves assigning more responsibilities that will prepare them for an independent life after a few years. Doing their own laundry and helping out in the house are some of these activities. Parents should allow them more freedom when it comes to their personal affairs and recognizing that they may no longer need to report as much as they did before.
However, this independence should not be without limits. Young adults may choose to stay out of the house well past bedtime but they should be reminded that the parents will still worry if they don’t come home as expected. Living with the family is also not a free pass. If your young adult child has a job, the responsible thing is to contribute to some of the expenses of the family, even if it’s just a little amount. In this way, children can learn to keep a budget and spend earnings wisely. This is a vital lesson that will affect their success as independent adults when the time comes that they move out.
It is a scary experience for parents to watch their young adult children pack their bags and move out of the house, and separation anxiety for parents is not uncommon; in fact, this article in the Guardian covers this topic well. It’s natural for parents to worry about the dangers of life outside of the home. Or even be scared that their children may encounter trouble without their supervision.
However, it is important for parents to allow their children to take this vital step when they feel they are ready. Supporting the child’s decision to move out is a sign that the parents trust the child’s judgment. However, it is equally important to let the child know that he can come back for any reason—whether he needs help or just misses the family. As a result, the child gains the confidence he needs to go through the transition to adulthood.
Independence takes on many forms. It can be a decision to move out, but it can also be the choice of a college, a decision to apply for a job, or even to buy a car. The key is to let the children decide for themselves, to support their decision, and offer to help if needed (and asked for.) These are but stepping stones they have to take in their journey as young adults. They need all the confidence they can get.
