Every since I was old enough to read, I have been addicted to books. I’ve always loved reading and rarely needed extra motivation to do so. But it was also fun when I was in elementary school to participate in those summer reading competitions, mostly because I was almost always the winner which meant I got free books and other reading-related gear. I have to wonder now if kids get a Kindle or something else high tech to encourage reading. Because to tell you the truth, I am now becoming a reading addict again thanks to my super cool birthday present — a KINDLE!

Now before I get off on a tangent about just how much I love that new device and how I’m completely going to become a book worm again (especially after I get a reading light for it), I actually want to talk to parents out there a bit. Especially parents of pre-teens and teens.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like lately I’m reading more and more about bullying, cyber-bullying and teen suicides in the news. And sometimes its not just teens against other teens, but also teens against adults in senseless, unjustified acts of violence; sometimes against people that can’t even defend themselves by kids who never appeared to be cruel or exhibit warning signs in the past. I personally don’t know what we should attribute it all to, whether it’s just a breakdown in society, influences from media, poor parenting, alcohol, drugs, peer pressure or something entire different, but I think most people will agree that there is “something wrong with the world today” (to put it in the great words of Steven Tyler). But as the mother of a four-year-old, who already has experienced bullying and will one day enter the ever harsh reality of middle school and high school, I want to be proactive about what I do today to help make sure she doesn’t end up hurting someone (intentionally or not) down the road.

photo credit: ★ jox via photopin cc

I’ve noticed an increase in reading amongst many of my friends over books like the Harry Potter series, the Twilight series, and more lately, the Shades of Grey trilogy. Yes, I loved the Harry Potter novels, Twilight had it’s high points and I’ve also enjoyed reading Shades. But I also think that there are a lot of mixed messages being sent in these books and that they are not entirely appropriate for teens. Actually, Shades is entirely inappropriate for kids, unless you think they should be reading and watching p*orn starting at a young age or learning to obsess about relationships (the latter of which I doubt they need any help with).

To be honest, in Shades of Grey, with the often neurotic tendencies of the main character, Ana Steele, who has some serious self-confidence issues and completely over analyzes life, I’m not even sure that all women should be reading the books. Yes, the books have likely opened up many doors and reignited many marriages (and definitely bravo for that) but what about the women that put Christian Grey on a pedestal as the perfect man to obtain, and destroy their own marriages or relationships in the process? Or the ones that end up with real emotional baggage about things they end up doing because they think it sounded hot when they read it in a book? What kind of message are kids being sent when everywhere they look, people are reading novels about BDSM and are filled with hot steamy sex scenes?

These are the types of books that women used to hide under their mattresses and never read out in public. And yet, now they’re all over the New York Times Bestseller list. And the even greater problem is that even a real submissive has read the books, finds them to be way off base and would even suggest that you head for the hills if your lover gave you a thrashing like Grey does.

Now don’t get me wrong. I think women should make a conscious effort to harness their own self-confidence and be comfortable in their own skin. And there is nothing wrong with being sexy, especially with your own partner. I’m all for keeping the romance going and introducing new things to your repertoire. But maybe instead of locking yourself away with these steamy books, one could be reading them together (especially the “good” parts) or at the very least using them as a springboard to talk about more intimate subjects.

So what is a parent to do?

First off, you need to be keeping an open line of communication with your kids. Even when things are difficult to discuss and you might not want to know the truth at that moment, you’re going to be a lot happier in the end if you know your son or daughter is willing to talk to you when they (or their friends) run into problems. You’ve also got to pay attention to what kids are reading, watching, playing and talking about. Make it a point to catch an episode of their favorite TV show with your child (or catch up on it later online if that’s not practical), read or at least research novels they get into and be proactive about what is happening in their lives.

And if you find that the books being shoved into the hands of your children is completely inappropriate? My cousin, Sharon, actually recently wrote a short novel for exactly that reason. It’s an alternative to many of the violent, negativity planting works out there…and it might even encourage your kids to talk to you more (which would be a real shocker for some.) Diagnosis: Easy Target (available now on Amazon as a paperback or for the Kindle — and don’t forget you can get the Kindle Reader for your PC, Mac or phone, too!) is a compelling short novel which really got me thinking once again about how easily influenced kids are, especially pre-teens and teens, when their worlds begin to revolve around being “cool.” It’s not only a good book for kids to read, but also for parents too. You can also read the first two chapters on Amazon to get a feeling for the book.

What things do you do to keep the communication going with your kids? Do you have bonding sessions on a regular basis? How can we make sure our kids, and especially teens, grow up with the right morals and values without shoving them down their throats?