Dearest four-legged friends (and the humans who help them read this),

I come to you today with a rather confused look on my face…because about two weeks ago, as we were leaving the fields where we always take our walks, a new tree that just didn’t smell quite right caught my attention.

I sniffed and I sniffed, and I just could not figure out what type of tree it was supposed to be. And the pee-mail around it was absolutely no help whatsoever. So it was up to me to figure out what this was on my own.

As you can see, it has a picture of dogs on it so I assumed it must have something to do with me. Plus there was a faint aroma of poop wafting out of the trashcan — but I just coulnd’t figure out why.

I started to think that perhaps this new tree was supposed to  brighten the lives of the people with gardens along our walking path, who seem to find great pleasure in writing nasty notes to anonymous people who let their dogs poop in front of their garden gates. Mom refuses to let me do this, and usually won’t even stop to let me pee along there, because apparently some dogs/people do this on the sidewalk in front of our house too. And it would seem that although humans can be convinced to wipe their own buts and pick up their own dog’s poop, they are not too fond of picking up someone else’s dog’s poop. Go figure.

As I stood in front of this contraption, I was alarmed. Would I now have to learn to poop in that trash can? Or perhaps figure out a way to pick up my own poop despite not having opposable thumbs?? Neither of these things seem like a practical idea for a dog of my size and stature.

But then I realized it was actually mom that would have to be doing the cleaning up, which made me breathe a bit more normally again. While I’m not sure if she agreed to take on this duty before this waste bin was erected, it’s apparently what the local government is trying to achieve. Of course, no one actually took the time to notify the dog owners of this news — they just built the thing and apparently hope for the best.

As a dog, I know that we can sometimes leave behind some rather unpleasant piles that no one really wants to come anywhere near (especially when still warm). But any responsible dog owner knows that stepping in dog poop is the pits, and unless you plan to hire a personal dog poop picker-upper of your own (we’re accepting applications for this position right now, folks), you’ve either got to do the deed or get rid of your dog.

For any of you city dogs out there, try not to eat anything too funky so that your poop is wildly icky to pick up. I don’t think mom would be too thrilled to pick up fresh, runny poo. And for you country dogs, if you can help it, don’t go in front of someone else’s door…chances are, you’ll end up like us with a silly trash can just for poop. And who knows what might come next — but my guess is DNA testing to know who is the culprit leaving behind mystery piles.

Have a great week…and a safe Halloween.